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Comments on A Wizard's Journey into Darkness
Rank: Imp
Groups: Registered, Registered Users, Subscribers Joined: 5/23/2024(UTC) Posts: 95
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Feel free to comment on my story in the replies here.
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Rank: Greater Demon
Groups: AoD Beta Demon, ITN Beta Demons, Registered, Registered Users, Subscribers Joined: 1/23/2015(UTC) Posts: 402
Thanks: 9 times Was thanked: 3 time(s) in 3 post(s)
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Just finished up to Ch. 12. I'm liking where things are going right now. There's a lot of points of view. Who is actually the main character? You haven't really spent a majority of story time on any one character yet. Not really a problem, just curious.
I only noticed one spelling error "anote of disdain". There may have been others, but that's the only one I noticed. It was in Ch. 8. I also didn't notice any major grammar errors. I don't have an English degree, but nothing looked out of place that would break my story immersion. So, good job so far! |
Gelatinous Cube (aka Dungeon Roomba)
"Because there's always a 10x10-foot room for Jell-O" |
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Rank: Imp
Groups: Registered, Registered Users, Subscribers Joined: 5/23/2024(UTC) Posts: 95
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Thanks, I am glad you're enjoying it. I too like where my story is going.
Regarding the main characters, so far I plan for Asmin, Ephemia and Erik to be the official main cast. I will do POVs of other supporting cast as well. Astragoth is the first.
Thanks for pointing out the error, I will correct it. I swear when I read my writing it looks right to me, but alas reality begs to differ.
Also, let me know if I make any inaccurate lore references. I will try to fit it within the lore of the series. Currently, I wonder how mana is generated in the Abyss without the element of water, with Mount Doom being the exception.
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Rank: Greater Demon
Groups: AoD Beta Demon, ITN Beta Demons, Registered, Registered Users, Subscribers Joined: 1/23/2015(UTC) Posts: 402
Thanks: 9 times Was thanked: 3 time(s) in 3 post(s)
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It has to do with the interactions of living beings and the raw elements that produce mana. That's why Mount Doom had to import a bunch of demons, as that was part of the mana generation process. |
Gelatinous Cube (aka Dungeon Roomba)
"Because there's always a 10x10-foot room for Jell-O" |
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Rank: Imp
Groups: Registered, Registered Users, Subscribers Joined: 5/23/2024(UTC) Posts: 95
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Yes, the friction of the five elements creates mana, so importing elements and animus to the Abyss is required. So would that mean the more barren areas of the abyss would be low on mana? Since they don't have all the five elements.
I am wondering if I should make it hard for Asmin to cast spells in the Abyss until he sets up something similar to Mount Doom. Or just has regular trips to Astlan. Haha. He could haul buckets of water into the abyss and try to cast spells with it.
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Rank: Greater Demon
Groups: AoD Beta Demon, ITN Beta Demons, Registered, Registered Users, Subscribers Joined: 1/23/2015(UTC) Posts: 402
Thanks: 9 times Was thanked: 3 time(s) in 3 post(s)
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" I shall bring all my power to bare upon them"
Quick homonym error. Should be "bear", instead of "bare". Interesting fanfic so far. Keep up the good work! |
Gelatinous Cube (aka Dungeon Roomba)
"Because there's always a 10x10-foot room for Jell-O" |
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Rank: Imp
Groups: Registered, Registered Users, Subscribers Joined: 5/23/2024(UTC) Posts: 95
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Thanks for the correction, I always get tripped up on those kind of words. Not sure if it's auto correct or just muscle memory.
Glad to hear your enjoying the story. I am thinking of doing little short side stories as well to expand the lore and perhaps expand upon the main series lore.
Not sure whether or not to include them as interludes or a seperate collection story. I'll think about it.
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Rank: Greater Demon
Groups: AoD Beta Demon, ITN Beta Demons, Registered, Registered Users, Subscribers Joined: 1/23/2015(UTC) Posts: 402
Thanks: 9 times Was thanked: 3 time(s) in 3 post(s)
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Gelatinous Cube (aka Dungeon Roomba)
"Because there's always a 10x10-foot room for Jell-O" |
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Rank: Imp
Groups: Registered, Registered Users, Subscribers Joined: 5/23/2024(UTC) Posts: 95
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She is adorable, don't you just want to give her a little dragon for her birthday.
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Rank: Greater Demon
Groups: AoD Beta Demon, ITN Beta Demons, Registered, Registered Users, Subscribers Joined: 1/23/2015(UTC) Posts: 402
Thanks: 9 times Was thanked: 3 time(s) in 3 post(s)
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Nono, I think she needs a demon for her birthday. |
Gelatinous Cube (aka Dungeon Roomba)
"Because there's always a 10x10-foot room for Jell-O" |
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Rank: Imp
Groups: Registered, Registered Users, Subscribers Joined: 5/23/2024(UTC) Posts: 95
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Asmin could totally arrange that, would give her father a heart attack, but Gerald can heal him.
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Rank: Imp
Groups: Registered, Registered Users, Subscribers Joined: 5/23/2024(UTC) Posts: 95
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Rank: Imp
Groups: Registered, Registered Users, Subscribers Joined: 5/23/2024(UTC) Posts: 95
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What do you think of my cover art? ![UserPostedImage](https://64.media.tumblr.com/8d06219e6a34babf1847ac7a8aa9420b/4d47875b02f7e8c5-f4/s400x600/eff2e00f51383a7de85be9d56c9ae7969bec3aaf.jpg)
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Rank: Imp
Groups: Registered, Registered Users, Subscribers Joined: 5/23/2024(UTC) Posts: 95
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My plan to spread the Demons of Astlan series far and wide is working. TAG, let us know when the next volume is coming. If my plan works, you may have a larger readership. ![UserPostedImage](https://64.media.tumblr.com/4d5d3e70008207c814c82fc8145f7cd4/fb8648902fc49425-ad/s2048x3072/5b94f74a76f91f921afc56fe86964135b88814b0.jpg)
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